Halfway....

The other night I had a very quiet night alone. I sat in Oz’s room listening to music and watching the sunset from his window. I just sat and thought about things good and bad. I thought about how we came to the spot we are in right now. How did one little “bed chat” (we always seem to chit chat just before we fall asleep) turn into actually being halfway through our first pregnancy?? It hit me hard when that thought came rolling in…... really?? Halfway …Holy Shit it seems like yesterday we were waiting to pee on a stick! I went as far as to look up how long we really do have left…in just 18 short weeks he will be with us.  I kind of went into panic mode. All these thoughts flooded my mind and I couldn’t shake them. I couldn’t sleep because of all the thoughts and the fact that I was very excited inside but equally scared. A new life will be added to this world and will forever change our lives. 

A million questions roll around in my brain…will we be good at the baby thing? Will we know what to do? Will Sj feel like we don’t spend time with her? Will I know if I am going into “real” labor? Will I shit the bed when giving birth? (Yes that has crossed my mind LOL) Will I be able to breast feed like I want to? What does it feel like to breast-feed? Will he be ok? what will the little bean look like? Will T be able to be with me when I give birth? (She works nights so it is a possibility she may not make it home in time) If she is not with me, am I strong enough to give birth alone? How will our relationship/family change & grow when the little guy comes? 

As I have been pregnant and gave birth once before, should I not know the answers to some of these? I am not the only one that thinks that, when I asked the doctor on our last appointment what contractions feel like …she gave me the strangest look. I really don’t know how one feels or what it feels like to give birth. As hard as I try I cannot remember Sj’s birth. All I remember is a very scared 16-year-old girl who had no clue what was going on.  I feel now that I am older I just want to be as prepared as I can, I want to ask a million questions and be calm about everything (as calm as I can be while in labor) I know I want to try to have a natural birth but I also know that nothing with child birthing goes as you plan or imagine it to. I have come to the conclusion I just need to take a deep breath, enjoy all the little moments this summer and hope for all the best come September!

One little monkey jumping in the womb!

Well yesterday was a day to remember for sure! First let me say that it is hard to believe that we are in 2013 and that rude people work in health care! T was not allowed in the room with me until the very end, that was upsetting for us both as this is both our child and we feel that it is the other parents right to be in the room from start to finish. Regardless! The tech was rude and did not explain what we were looking at or anything; we both got a "weird" vibe from him. He also would not let us take home a picture not even one as a memory :( With my first pregnancy I was treated horribly (that's putting it lightly) through my pregnancy by everyone Doctors, Nurses, Techs, Teachers. I was told by a one doctor to get an apportion it was the best thing to do for someone in my "situation"...I ended up not going for any prenatal care until I was almost 6 months pregnant. This situation stirred up a lot of those old emotions as I felt I was being treated the same way all over again. We are not sure what the guys problem was but we were so excited for this day we had waited and talked about it everyday since we started this journey and he kind of ruined it for us only a little because we did get to see our beautiful baby and it was amazing. She/He really did look beautiful!  Our next ultrasound will be someplace else even is we need to pay or drive an hour! We also met with the midwives on Thursday and feel it would be the best route to go for us as they were so friendly and understanding with us, they really treated us just like close friends...it was great! They explained everything and answered all our questions happily! 

The fruit of the week is my favorite!...a Peach! 

One month pregnant!

 I love every minute of my nausea and extreme fatigue, it lets me know that life is growing inside of me. The only down side is I really want to stay active during my pregnancy and feeling like a huge ball of crap everyday all day…puts a damper on getting up and out for exercise. Eating right is hard to, as I have zero appetite and when I do it doesn’t last long enough for me to enjoy the meal.

I have lost a total of 90lbs over the last 2 years and would love to stay in the normal weight gain for my pregnancy so that after the little monkey arrives it is easier for me to continue on my weight loss adventure with him/her or them LOL..you never know! I want to be able to keep up with a growing child that's for sure! 

Stay positive and baby dust to everyone!  :)