Coming to terms...

I have always known that T is transgender and I accept it as part of who T is. T has recently came "out" about the fact the he (I will now call T he as this is how he feels) wants to change genders. Dealing with someone who identifies as transgender is not easy but being that someone who feels they were born in the wrong body is daily torture for that person. There is not a whole lot of info for husbands and wife's who have a spouse going through the long journey of gender reassignment surgery, I am guessing this is due to  the fact that most don't stick around once they learn that their partner wishes to be the opposite sex. I love T and would not change who he is for the world. Our marriage is a strong and feisty one that can survive a nuclear love war, so I know we are safe there!

Hearing that T wanted to go through with the surgery and take testosterone was still hard, I felt as though I will be losing someone very close to me and that once all this is started I would have to "get to know" T as a Him which seems odd to me because T has always been male acting and dressing but for some reason I feel this way. I feel happy for T but in a small selfish way I feel sad for myself. My biggest fear is that it will change who T is and why I love him so much. I know there will be many many changes in the year to come, I know they are good changes. I know there will be things I will have to accept and things that I will have to let go. There are million questions I have about the whole process and I ask T a knew one everyday lol I am sure I'm driving T crazy but I'm curious on a lot of little things. I google a lot about it but it is mostly only from the person going through the surgery's perspective which can be helpful but it would be nice to hear from the spouses point a view as well .

 I could not imagine feeling like my insides are one gender but my outsides don't reflect that. It's sad and I truly believe this step towards his true self will be one of the best things that happened for him/us. For now we are on a wait list for the surgery but have all the paper work ready to go for the gender change for his drivers licence, birth certificate ext. to be changed over now as well as his name change (luckily it will still be the same name just the "Male" spelling of it) I will keep updating on this topic from time to time as I am sure there are people in my shoes who would like to know how I/we cope with the change over from female to male!

FTM/MTF art - colorpuke by troyu - http://www.deviantart.com/art/colorpuke-llD-177454357