My first pregnancy has left me terrified for this one

I had just turned 16 when I found out I was going to be a mom. To make a very very long story short I was kicked out and left to fend for my unborn child and myself. I wont go into all the details because it’s just the birth of my daughter and the way I was treated that is scaring me the most.  Her birth was traumatic and being alone with no one there to hold my hand or tell me it would be ok didn’t help the situation. I had not been informed of my choices or even explained to how the birth may or may not go. I was injected with medications and attached to drips; I had no idea what they were or why I was taking them. Staff ignored me and when all was said and done (her birth is a blur to me) I was wheeled into a room with another mom and her husband.   It was the middle of the night and they where sleeping. I remember it was dark in the room and my daughter was sleeping calmly in her little bed. I was alone on my side of the curtain in the dark quietly crying. When she woke I tried to breastfeed her for hours but it didn't seem to be getting anywhere. Pushing the button a few times for the nurse who came but didn’t help me or even show me what I was supposed to do. After awhile no nurse came to see if I needed help. I would push the button but no one would come. Sj had calmed down so I assumed she was getting feed.  The afternoon finally came and a nurse appeared, she said she had to take Sj for a sugar test, which was just a little prick on her heel and would be right back.  When the nurse returned she was feeding Sj a bottle of formula and told me that her sugars were way to low, she would need to be bottle-feed. Weather that was true or not I have no idea, but I did as I was instructed. I was in the hospital for three long days and I was unable to even take a shower. No one informed me that I had torn and was stitched up; I only realized that after I was home.  I was very young and I know that things will be much different then it was 12 years ago but I still have that deep fear for this birth. I have a vision how I would love it to go but things don’t always go as you plan. When we talked to the midwives about this they were very understanding and helpful. I was so happy when they told us that the hospital where we will be delivering this bean has private rooms where you stay for the entire delivery and post delivery, they say it has a very “home” like feel and we are hoping it does! I am so glad to have Sj and T with me through this pregnancy. It helps me ease some of that anxiety to know that I will not be alone! 

Have a happy weekend everyone and stay positive

It looks as though our baby is the size of a lemon this week!