Coming to terms...

I have always known that T is transgender and I accept it as part of who T is. T has recently came "out" about the fact the he (I will now call T he as this is how he feels) wants to change genders. Dealing with someone who identifies as transgender is not easy but being that someone who feels they were born in the wrong body is daily torture for that person. There is not a whole lot of info for husbands and wife's who have a spouse going through the long journey of gender reassignment surgery, I am guessing this is due to  the fact that most don't stick around once they learn that their partner wishes to be the opposite sex. I love T and would not change who he is for the world. Our marriage is a strong and feisty one that can survive a nuclear love war, so I know we are safe there!

Hearing that T wanted to go through with the surgery and take testosterone was still hard, I felt as though I will be losing someone very close to me and that once all this is started I would have to "get to know" T as a Him which seems odd to me because T has always been male acting and dressing but for some reason I feel this way. I feel happy for T but in a small selfish way I feel sad for myself. My biggest fear is that it will change who T is and why I love him so much. I know there will be many many changes in the year to come, I know they are good changes. I know there will be things I will have to accept and things that I will have to let go. There are million questions I have about the whole process and I ask T a knew one everyday lol I am sure I'm driving T crazy but I'm curious on a lot of little things. I google a lot about it but it is mostly only from the person going through the surgery's perspective which can be helpful but it would be nice to hear from the spouses point a view as well .

 I could not imagine feeling like my insides are one gender but my outsides don't reflect that. It's sad and I truly believe this step towards his true self will be one of the best things that happened for him/us. For now we are on a wait list for the surgery but have all the paper work ready to go for the gender change for his drivers licence, birth certificate ext. to be changed over now as well as his name change (luckily it will still be the same name just the "Male" spelling of it) I will keep updating on this topic from time to time as I am sure there are people in my shoes who would like to know how I/we cope with the change over from female to male!

FTM/MTF art - colorpuke by troyu - http://www.deviantart.com/art/colorpuke-llD-177454357

Life's a dance...

Yesterday we got some news. Good news but at the same time it was that stressful life changing BIG decision kind of news. We are excited about the possibility of a new start but deep inside that rumbling fear is rising ever so quickly. T got a job offer that is more pay, benefits, no night shifts or weekends and is way more stable then the one she has now. The job is a dream come true for all of us. It seems like a no brainer that we should take it! The downfall is we would have to move fairly quickly and make a decision in the next few days! The timing is perfect in the way that I can take my maternity leave at any time now that we are only 8 weeks from our due date. Moving is a big pain but with three dogs and a pregnant lady this could be hell, we have looked online and it seems to be a little more expensive to rent out where we would need to move. So would we really be making any extra cash if we were putting the “extra” on rent? So many things run through our brains… Funny how these things pop up at strange times in your life? For now we will wait and see what happens in the next few days!

Take care blogglandians! 

With all the really hot ...REALLY REALLY HOT and sticky weather all I can see in this pictures is that yummy slushy! 

Our DIY Photos!

My week off was hectic in the beginning. We did A LOT of organizing and cleaning ...was not fun but needed to be done in the worst way! Near the end of the week we got to relax and this is when we decided to take some photos! We planed a beautiful drive and we stop and take pictures along the way at various spots we liked.  It was a lot of fun! We don't have a professional camera in any way just a regular point and shoot with a tripod is all we used. It was nice to get out and finally get some pictures of us! (Our Daughter was away at camp so we will be doing some family ones when the little guy is born!)

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer! :)

32 weeks

 

 

BIG step in the right direction!

I can't claim to know all that goes on in the States, we are from canada, but I do try to follow Human Rights issues no matter where they are in the world! I was just so excited to find out that same-sex couples who are married or want to get married will have the same rights as every other married couple! I know that not all States are the same and there is still some bans on same-sex marriages :( , but I believe soon it will be legal all over America and hopefully other countries as well. Our country has had gay marriage rights leaglized for as long as I can remember. I have never taken for granted how lucky we are to live in Canada and how lucky I was to be able to marry the one I was meant for..no questions asked. My heart goes out to the couples who want to be married and can't or who are married but where they live it means nothing, because to the couple it means EVERYTHING! It takes time for change but it seems like things are heading in the right direction for those living across the way from us! Congratulations on a big step forward!

95 days left to go! (Give or take of course!)

This baby boy of ours has given me a pretty easygoing pregnancy! I feel lucky that I never got sick or had any complications (so far) The only thing I had was few dizzy spells and an upset stomach from time to time, very early in the pregnancy. For the most part it has been fun and easy. Lately though it has been uncomfortable and I feel my body slowing down a lot. I am used to go! go! go! but it seems to be no no no now! Not that I am complaining, I have truly loved every minute of this little guy being warm and safe inside me. I was very surprised when T mentioned that she will miss me being pregnant, I think I will miss it too but so happy that he will be in our arms!

Room seems to be getting scarce in the tummy Inn. I can actually see him move sometimes when looking at my belly! He seems to be on a little schedule too- he wakes me up every morning with little kicks (I am guessing he is hungry! I know I sure am!!) Then I feel him sometimes in the afternoon here and there but not too much. At bedtime he is the most active, I swear he is playing hacky sack with my insides! T thinks it is just amazing to feel his tiny kicks. I love how she smiles and gets so happy when she feels him! Brings joy to my heart every single time.

Side note on Rude people!

Before we started TTC (2 or 3 years before) I had lost  A LOT of weight (over a 120lbs I lost) by the time we had got married I had put back on about 40-50 of those lbs but it never bothered me I was healthy and happy..so why would it??? T has always and will always make me feel like I am the most beautiful. I have put on some more lbs now that we are pregnant, not a crazy amount but I carry a lot of it in my face. I do feel I have a little belly, I have never been stick thin but I see a baby belly!! Well to make a long story short - when I was at my old office visiting, one of my co-works  said "oh I thought you had just put back on all the weight you lost; I didn't even know you were pregnant- congratulations!" To me it was a little rude. I have always been ashamed of my size but as I grow up it is my health that comes first not my dress size!! My family is always bugging and asking me especially now that I am pregnant. Saying things like "have you gained a lot?" what is your weight now?" every conversation something to do with my weight comes up! My family is like that and always has been, thin = beauty to them!! This is one reason why I rarely speak to them! I do plan to drop a few lbs after our son is born but more for keeping up with a toddler and being a more healthy active me! I have no desire to be a size 0!  ...Yes I look huge but to me it is worth it!  I am a bigger girl who is pregnant and I show my baby pump off with pride and love! We are all people, we are all made up of the same things!! big, small, gay straight, short, tall, black, white it does not matter! I am a true believer in accepting people for who they are on the inside! 

Hope everyone is having a great week! Peace and Positive vibes to everyone out in blog-World!

26 weeks today!