95 days left to go! (Give or take of course!)

This baby boy of ours has given me a pretty easygoing pregnancy! I feel lucky that I never got sick or had any complications (so far) The only thing I had was few dizzy spells and an upset stomach from time to time, very early in the pregnancy. For the most part it has been fun and easy. Lately though it has been uncomfortable and I feel my body slowing down a lot. I am used to go! go! go! but it seems to be no no no now! Not that I am complaining, I have truly loved every minute of this little guy being warm and safe inside me. I was very surprised when T mentioned that she will miss me being pregnant, I think I will miss it too but so happy that he will be in our arms!

Room seems to be getting scarce in the tummy Inn. I can actually see him move sometimes when looking at my belly! He seems to be on a little schedule too- he wakes me up every morning with little kicks (I am guessing he is hungry! I know I sure am!!) Then I feel him sometimes in the afternoon here and there but not too much. At bedtime he is the most active, I swear he is playing hacky sack with my insides! T thinks it is just amazing to feel his tiny kicks. I love how she smiles and gets so happy when she feels him! Brings joy to my heart every single time.

Side note on Rude people!

Before we started TTC (2 or 3 years before) I had lost  A LOT of weight (over a 120lbs I lost) by the time we had got married I had put back on about 40-50 of those lbs but it never bothered me I was healthy and happy..so why would it??? T has always and will always make me feel like I am the most beautiful. I have put on some more lbs now that we are pregnant, not a crazy amount but I carry a lot of it in my face. I do feel I have a little belly, I have never been stick thin but I see a baby belly!! Well to make a long story short - when I was at my old office visiting, one of my co-works  said "oh I thought you had just put back on all the weight you lost; I didn't even know you were pregnant- congratulations!" To me it was a little rude. I have always been ashamed of my size but as I grow up it is my health that comes first not my dress size!! My family is always bugging and asking me especially now that I am pregnant. Saying things like "have you gained a lot?" what is your weight now?" every conversation something to do with my weight comes up! My family is like that and always has been, thin = beauty to them!! This is one reason why I rarely speak to them! I do plan to drop a few lbs after our son is born but more for keeping up with a toddler and being a more healthy active me! I have no desire to be a size 0!  ...Yes I look huge but to me it is worth it!  I am a bigger girl who is pregnant and I show my baby pump off with pride and love! We are all people, we are all made up of the same things!! big, small, gay straight, short, tall, black, white it does not matter! I am a true believer in accepting people for who they are on the inside! 

Hope everyone is having a great week! Peace and Positive vibes to everyone out in blog-World!

26 weeks today!

My first pregnancy has left me terrified for this one

I had just turned 16 when I found out I was going to be a mom. To make a very very long story short I was kicked out and left to fend for my unborn child and myself. I wont go into all the details because it’s just the birth of my daughter and the way I was treated that is scaring me the most.  Her birth was traumatic and being alone with no one there to hold my hand or tell me it would be ok didn’t help the situation. I had not been informed of my choices or even explained to how the birth may or may not go. I was injected with medications and attached to drips; I had no idea what they were or why I was taking them. Staff ignored me and when all was said and done (her birth is a blur to me) I was wheeled into a room with another mom and her husband.   It was the middle of the night and they where sleeping. I remember it was dark in the room and my daughter was sleeping calmly in her little bed. I was alone on my side of the curtain in the dark quietly crying. When she woke I tried to breastfeed her for hours but it didn't seem to be getting anywhere. Pushing the button a few times for the nurse who came but didn’t help me or even show me what I was supposed to do. After awhile no nurse came to see if I needed help. I would push the button but no one would come. Sj had calmed down so I assumed she was getting feed.  The afternoon finally came and a nurse appeared, she said she had to take Sj for a sugar test, which was just a little prick on her heel and would be right back.  When the nurse returned she was feeding Sj a bottle of formula and told me that her sugars were way to low, she would need to be bottle-feed. Weather that was true or not I have no idea, but I did as I was instructed. I was in the hospital for three long days and I was unable to even take a shower. No one informed me that I had torn and was stitched up; I only realized that after I was home.  I was very young and I know that things will be much different then it was 12 years ago but I still have that deep fear for this birth. I have a vision how I would love it to go but things don’t always go as you plan. When we talked to the midwives about this they were very understanding and helpful. I was so happy when they told us that the hospital where we will be delivering this bean has private rooms where you stay for the entire delivery and post delivery, they say it has a very “home” like feel and we are hoping it does! I am so glad to have Sj and T with me through this pregnancy. It helps me ease some of that anxiety to know that I will not be alone! 

Have a happy weekend everyone and stay positive

It looks as though our baby is the size of a lemon this week!

One month pregnant!

 I love every minute of my nausea and extreme fatigue, it lets me know that life is growing inside of me. The only down side is I really want to stay active during my pregnancy and feeling like a huge ball of crap everyday all day…puts a damper on getting up and out for exercise. Eating right is hard to, as I have zero appetite and when I do it doesn’t last long enough for me to enjoy the meal.

I have lost a total of 90lbs over the last 2 years and would love to stay in the normal weight gain for my pregnancy so that after the little monkey arrives it is easier for me to continue on my weight loss adventure with him/her or them LOL..you never know! I want to be able to keep up with a growing child that's for sure! 

Stay positive and baby dust to everyone!  :)